Round Trip #8 Langebro-The Little Mermaid

Sunday 2 May 2021

It’s time to admit it. There’s no hiding from it any longer. It’s for the best in the long run. Ringo is an addict. “I’ve got it under control” he said, “I can quit anytime”. But we had a good long chat last night, and he accepted that he had a problem. It may be too late for most things where Ringo is concerned, but a period of restraint is in order. We talked about going cold turkey, but he doesn’t like turkey. We’ve had to hide the drugs: the paracetamol, the morphine tablets, the cough mixture and the Toilet Duck. Sadly he got to the treats before we did, and he’s now in a Dreamies induced coma. I’m calling Betty Ford.

6:00am It is eerily quiet. This worries me. Maybe armageddon happened during the night and nobody woke me. Tina would sleep through it, and the cats would hide under the bed. I creep warily to the bathroom. Still nothing. No orange furry things locked in and drinking from the toilet bowl. Kitchen: make tea and fabulously healthful granola and banana breakfast (gluton free sucks). The sound of silence is the sound of my tinnitus. Where is Ringo when you need him? And just as I’m beginning to get worried, in saunters the orange bastard son of satan who proceeds to raise the roof! Dust settles on my head as I grab hold of the counter top for balance. Ringo (demented cat - not the ex-fab) it seems, was just timing his breakfast offensive.

Now, the eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed that we have jumped from Round trip #5 to #8. This has nothing to do with the Danish numbering system (EU standards here, you know), and all to do with my third slipped disc in two years. So I’m doing an easier stage, against everybody’s better judgement, except mine. I may be finishing this in a drug induced state, from a hospital bed. Probably an improvement.

I started this mularkey a few months back from Langebro, and today we start from the other side of the bridge and walk north east along the harbour towards that most disappointing of sculptures, but somehow major tourist attraction of The Little Mermaid. Probably sans Chinese tourists due to you know what. And possibly sans head. You never know your luck.

So, setting off from Langebro, the first thing we come to is another bridge - Lille Langebro - just for cyclists, and not 50 meters from a perfectly cycleable bridge. Why oh why, oh why? Oh yes, Denmark is the cycling centre of the Universe, so we must have another bridge for the poor cyclists over the harbour. Whether we need it or not. Looks nice though.

The enormous glass structure of Blox looms large as we pass through on the way to the Black Diamond (Sorte Diamant). The reason for it being called the Black Diamond escapes me, if I ever knew it in the first place. It’s black, but distinctly un-diamond shaped. But I got to show my Covid Passport for the first time! I only wanted a pee. And then onwards to Nyhavn. You’ll recognise Nyhavn as pictures of it fill the page of search results on Google Images. Canal: check. Lovely old coloured buildings: check. Old boats with tall masts: check. Tourists, of which the town is joyously lacking at the moment, arrive under the impression that all Copenhagen is like this. A veritable Hans Christian Anderson wonderland. Oh how they must feel when they discover that their hotel is in Vesterbro.

Now then, moving on swiftly past the Royal Palace of Amalienborg - avoiding the dog currently engaged in an impressive evacuation that threatens to block the Queen's view of the Opera House - towards the highlight of our trip: The Little Mermaid! No, really. It really is little you know. Only made larger by Chinese tourists. Donated to the city by Carl Jacobsen, he of Carlsberg fame, who presumably hoped everyone would be pissed when they look at it. I can imagine the disappointment, “We traveled all the way from Buttfuck, Idaho for this?!” If you’re lucky someone will have recently removed her head and thrown it in the harbour.

And that brings us to the end of today’s little expedition. Next time: big boats!!

Weather: Not enough clouds

Reflections: No tourists = complete joy

Coffee: Skuespilhuset - Plain filter with milk, 6/10. Not bad at all. Nice place to sit by the water. 30kr

Købenkaffe: The Little Mermaid - Café Latte, 7/10. Very nice. Got to sit and watch people making dicks of themselves. 30kr

Distance: 3.8km