Round Trip #4 Øresund St-Amager Strandpark-Femøren St

Monday 21 March 2021

6.30am. Peace. Quiet. Birdsong. A gentle squark from George (not the ex-fab). She raises her head to say “Whaaat?”, and quiety reverts to her previous dormant state. Inching out of bed and tip toeing across the floor so as not to rouse the dead, I open the door to the horror of one of Ringo’s very best death stares. The contempt is palpable. The wail, earth shattering. Breakfast 1.5, inevitable. I’m thinking of rebranding him as a hamster.

8.00am. Today we are off to the beach! But first things first. The great day has arrived where, as an alien in a foreign land, the powers that be have deemed it necessary for me to have my face scanned and my fingerprints (minus thumbs, go figure) taken in accordance with the Brexit withdrawal agreement. Shortly after being treated as a potential criminal, we’ll be on our way.

9.15am. The nice lady at SIRI thought I had small, but long fingers. I should have been a pianist. Or a pickpocket. I have missed my vocation, apparently.

So, now that I have been recorded for posterity, and the Police database, we’re off. Don’t forget your bucket and spade!

Copenhagen is a little limited when it comes to sandy, public spaces to display one’s well toned physique. Not mine, you understand. It is fair to say I have seen better days. Though the advantage of being able to clear a beach just by removing one’s t-shirt is not to be scoffed at.

Amager Strandpark is an artificial island consisting of 4.6km of beaches. Opened in 2005, the beach is separated from the mainland by a lagoon, crossed by three bridges. There is sailing. There is sunbathing. There are many, many people. Not a place to visit in the summer, unless you like that sort of thing, that is. Due to the biting wind and the fact that it is barely 2°C, we are thankfully spared the sight of hundreds of alpha males strutting and posturing like Peacocks. Happily, today there were empty beaches and dog walkers. Lovely. And big Viking balls.

Nobody knows where the balls came from. They appeared one morning, fully formed, glowing, as if a passing UFO decided that this was just the place to empty its toilet. They have since become a place of worship, some believing that the balls aid fertility. Others believe that if you jump on them in the correct order a portal to the nearest bar opens up. We may never know.

Further on there’s a marina and all sorts of sailing clubs for the rich. And in case it’s too chilly for you, you can take a sauna on the beach before you go home. It’s all rather nice, really.

Weather: Pleasant, if uninspired.

Reflections: Walking on sand for a long time hurts.

Coffee: Sneglehuset, Amager Strand - Café Latte 6/10, hot and mildly drinkable. 35kr Extra point for being open.

Distance: 9.1km